Sliver Moon Bay: The Looking Page 8

  The exchange is brief. Chris is taken down to the station for another interview, voluntarily, but really, every one of us knows he’s being arrested. Chris knows; he gives Lilian a look to tell her to keep it together which I doubt she’ll be able to do, then gives me the same look except this one tells me to keep it together for Lilian’s sake. So I nod and he goes. Lilian bursts into tears as soon as the door bangs. At least she’s being quiet, sobbing just so, looking out the kitchen window. I’m being quiet too. I’m thinking about Chris and I’m feeling kind of proud. He really handled himself well just then. He could have refused. He could have called a lawyer. Which he might do still cause the interview is going to take a turn. In a new and unpleasant direction. You’d have to be a total idiot not to realize.

  So we sit and wait.

  The waiting takes most of the day. It’s slow going cause it’s not a school day. I wish I could disappear to the beach but I don’t trust Lilian alone in the house. I know there’s a new bottle of vodka in the cupboard under the sink and she’s been eyeing off her magic pills. And she’s already taken her daily dose. So we stay put, with each other. She reads, I read. In our separate spaces until a knock on the door breaks the mood.

  I look out through the gap in between the curtains on my window. It’s him, that bald reporter Chris threw out when we first got home from the hospital. He’s snooping again, has his camera slung over his shoulder. He has a phone in his hand. Well, good luck with that. He’ll get no signal on this thing out here today. But he’s oblivious. He knocks again.

  ‘Lilian! Can I speak with you?’

  Lilian’s bed squeaks, her window slides open.

  ‘No. Go away, please. I have nothing to say.’

  She slides the window shut and lies back down on her bed.

  The dude takes no notice. He stands in front of the caravan, just a little way off, on a raised dirt mound so he can see inside. He’s stretching his neck towards Lilian’s window like an inquisitive goose. But her curtains are drawn. Mine too but I remain glued to the gap.

  ‘Lilian. I’d like to speak with you about Chris’s arrest.’

  So, the goose is not going away. This could be fun.

  ‘Do you want me to get rid of him, Mum?’

  I’ve stuck my head around the partition. She’s lying on the bed, with her eyes closed. She looks like she might have a headache. She nods.

  So I put the kettle on. It doesn’t take much. But he’s oblivious out there, to what’s coming. He’s shouting.

  ‘There’s been a development, Lilian! Can! We! Talk! Please!’

  The man ought to be a gym teacher. He’d be heard from one end of the gym to the other, without a megaphone.

  Ah, finally. The kettle starts singing. I give it two elephants’ worth and then I take it off the hot plate. It’s steaming and I carry it well away from my body. I really hate burns.

  I open the door. The dude is right there, in front of the steps, poised with his camera. He gets it, full on, in the lens. Some of the water spills on his trousers, but not as much as I intended. It’s just a small splash but it does the job. The dude shrieks, jumps backwards. I bang the door shut.

  ‘Ahhh! What the fuck, Sarah!’ screams the dude.

  I feel so alive, it’s wonderful. I scared the wits out of him cause he’s forgot himself, forgot where he is and who he’s dealing with. Just for a second but it was worth it.

  And now, he’s remembered.

  ‘I’m sorry, Sarah,’ he goes. ‘Please, don’t do this. Ever. You could have seriously hurt me. You don’t want to do that, do you?’

  I’m filling up the kettle again. I’m pretty sure he can hear the tap whistling, the water hissing. I’m having so much fun; I only wish Starling were here.

  ‘Fuck off, Baldy!’

  I peek over the partition at Lilian. She’s placed a pillow over her face but I can see she’s laughing. Her whole body is convulsing with it. She looks like she’s going to pee herself.

  And here we go again. I slide the kitchen window open. Baldy’s standing way back, looking grim.

  ‘Call your mother, Sarah. She needs to hear this.’

  Okay, dude, you’ve asked for it.

  Splash! Splaaaash!

  Now Baldy gets it. And he’s packing up shop without having taken one snap. Not one. He’s running down the path, with his fancy expensive camera bouncing against his side, swinging like it’s a funfair ride; oh, it’s delicious viewing, seeing Baldy sprint towards his car, parked somewhere below, hidden in the bushes. I’ll bet it’s just parked off the road a bit, for everyone to see. If only old Drake was alive. He could show him how to hide in the bushes, cause Baldy here has no clue. Then Baldy disappears ‘round the bend.

  Ah, well, all good things must come to an end.

  34

  They do. In the late afternoon Silly Bitch comes over for a visit. I hear her car at the end of the driveway, past the bend. I look out the window and see her lumbering up the path, wrapped in a coat, looking like a great big mama bear. Pity I can’t do the kettle trick on her. Course I won’t. I wouldn’t unless she was a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. She means well and she’s married to Captain Josh. And she was good to me at the hospital. And heaps of times at school. I really ought to try to like her a bit more. Okay, I will try. Starting from now.

  I let her in, take her coat. She’s all flustered, sweating all over. Plunges into school related small talk but she clearly has something else to say. While this is going on, Lilian makes her a cup of herbal tea. Brews a black coffee for herself. I don’t like herbal tea and I’m not allowed coffee so I get a coke out of the fridge and we all sit down around the kitchen pull out.

  ‘Lilian,’ Silly Bitch—I mean Amy, begins. She’s holding her teaspoon weirdly in her right hand, as if she were ready to use it as a screwdriver. It makes her look like a car mechanic for some reason. Must be the overalls she’s wearing. I didn’t even know they made them in her size. But they do. These are ample. Very ample. And very green. I don’t know why she spent the money buying them though. She’d been better off wearing a garbage bag, the big, garden size one, hooked up to a pair of clip on suspenders. It’s the same thing really.

  ‘L-Lilian,’ continues Amy shakily. ‘I don’t know if you’ve been told but… I’m not sure how…,’ She’s looking at her for a clue or encouragement, I guess, but none is forthcoming. Lilian’s staring at her, without expression. She’s hugging her steaming cup in both hands as usual.

  ‘There’s been a development. We know,’ I say, with a nod to spur her on. I’m trying to help her out. She’s gonna drag this out and I don’t think it’s the best thing for any of us. We know, Silly Bitch! I want to shout at her, we know! Chris is being questioned again, so they must have found something! Well, duh. Spit it out! Course, outwardly, I remain calm. I have to, for Lilian’s sake. She’s going to flip.

  ‘Well. I just want you to know that we’re all behind you,’ Amy goes on, looking from Lilian to me and nodding her fat jelly face silly. ‘Anything you need, just ask.’

  ‘What’s happened?’ This, finally, from Lilian, who only just now appears to have noticed this giant jellyfish spread over the sofa, filling up the space between it and the table, and blocking the way to the fridge, the bedroom and the exit. So I guess we’re stuck here and we’ll have to hear her out.

  ‘Chris has been arrested.’

  ‘It was just an interview when they came for him this morning. What’s changed?’

  Lilian’s looking sharp for once. She’s even asking the right question. I’ll bet she doesn’t really want to know the answer. It can’t be good. I know I don’t want to know. In my heart of hearts I know we don’t want to know. But I’m ready.

  ‘It’s about Starling’s dress.’

  ‘Yes.’ Lilian’s sounding flat but impatient at the same time. Just spit it out, for Christ sake’s, is what we’re both thinking.

  ‘There was blood on it.’

  Oh, dear. Th
is is going to be hard. Lilian’s mouth’s gaping, with indignation, at this woman who’s insinuated herself into our nightmare for no good reason. Lilian’s fuming and her big wet circle of a mouth looks like a fish’s, fresh out of water and conscious of her impending death.

  ‘We. Know. That.’ Lilian nods emphatically. ‘They told us the day the dress was found. Why are you telling me this now?’

  ‘The blood is Chris’s.’

  Okay. Okay. Okay. This is a development worthy of our acknowledgment. I’m prepared to give it. And here we go.

  So what are you saying, Silly Bitch? That Chris did something to his little girl? That he got hurt while he was doing it? Seriously, woman, how dare you? Get the fuck out of my house!!!!

  Course, I say none of this. I don’t have to. Lilian’s doing a good job of it herself. Silly Bitch’s wriggling out of our caravan as fast as she can. Course, you’d have to have been there to fully appreciate how that looked. How long it took her to extricate herself from Lilian’s funky breath which was right there in her blubbery dial; I swear it singed her cleavage, but eventually Silly Bitch found herself doing the Baldy, wobbling down the path as fast as her fat little legs would carry her; and this without the kettle making an appearance. Before the bend she stopped and looked over her shoulder, and we locked eyes. Next thing she’s waving, at me. So I waved back at her. She turns, waddles away, past the bend where I can’t see her, disappears back into her own life. And I suddenly miss her.

  Poor Amy. Poor Lilian. Poor Chris. And poor me, having to deal with their shit. I wish Starling were here. She’d make it better. Bearable. But that’s no longer my world. We have entered the un-bearable now. At least I’ve got Sleepy back. I go inside and curl up on the bed with him.

  35

  ‘Lil’, I can explain this. Listen!’

  ‘Can you, Chris? Can you? It’s your blood! On her dress!’

  ‘Assassin bit me and I picked up the dress and wiped my blood on it. That’s what happened, Lilian. I swear that’s how it got there.’

  There’s silence behind the partition now. I know she’s instantly convinced he’s telling her the truth. It’s not hard. It sounds like the truth.

  ‘Where did this happen?’

  ‘In his shed. I came by to get some weed and Assassin ambushed me. I swiped him and he bit me on the ankle.’

  ‘And you had the pink dress with you? Why?’

  ‘It was already there. I picked up the first thing I saw on the bench and used it to wipe the blood. I hit at the dog with a paddle but I missed and he came at me again so I ran out and he chased me. It was only later I remembered I saw the pink dress in the shed and that I wiped my ankle with it.’

  ‘And you didn’t think to tell me that your father had our daughter’s clothes in his shed? You didn’t think that was strange?’

  ‘I did think it was weird. I went back and talked to Drake about it. He denied any knowledge of it.’

  ‘And you believed him?’

  ‘I didn’t know what to think. But I told him that if I saw him around the kids again I was going to kill him.’

  ‘You should have.’

  ‘Lilian. He didn’t take our daughter. You know that.’

  ‘I don’t know that!’

  ‘Come on, love—‘

  ‘If not him, then who? Because somebody did take her, you realize.’

  Lilian’s breathless shouts drop to a whisper.

  ‘You realize what you’ve done, don’t you.’

  Lilian’s crying now. Sobbing like Starling used to when something wasn’t going her way. She just couldn’t deal with the frustration of it. But Lilian’s taking it up a notch. She’s going to drown in snot soon if she doesn’t let up. But she stops the waterworks quite unexpectedly.

  ‘I knew this would happen… I knew it… I’ve always known…’

  She trails off. I wish she hadn’t cause I could have learned something. But she isn’t going to say anything new.

  ‘Don’t do this, Lilian. We’ve got to stay strong. Positive. Starling’s somewhere near. We just have to find her. I promise you, I will find her.’

  ‘She’s been taken, I know she has. She’s alive. I feel her, Chris. I feel her. She’s missing me. She’s scared. But one day she’ll forget me. She’s so little it will be soon. You know it will. You’ve got to find her before it happens. You’ve got to find her, Chris. Please. Please. P-LEEEEEASE!’

  She’s begging, urgently, going at it full speed, like a runaway train. He’ll need to give her more medication cause she’ll go on like this forever. I know. I’ve heard her. I’ve had to do it myself to stop her raving. At least Chris is here to deal with her tonight. And I can go to sleep.

  36

  So Chris is now officially a Person Of Interest. A. Person. Of. Interest. It sounds quite posh. Like he’s done something of note. But he hasn’t. He doesn’t have it in him. Not anymore. Ever since Starling was born, he’s turned into a big softie. Couldn’t even beat up his old boss when he sacked him. But Detective Martin still wanted to talk about that. He’s been snooping around our past, sticking his nose in and getting nowhere still, says Chris who has now lost all confidence. It’s so obvious that the big town detective is completely on the wrong track here, even I can see that. Thank God for Captain Josh though. He’s been chipping at it steadily, coming in at odd hours, telling us where he’s at, some of it, anyway. The bit that has nothing to do with Chris, or Drake, or anyone else who’s being looked at in the community. Which is just about everyone. And still, nothing. But Captain Josh will not give up. He’s been chasing cars, following up reports of suspicious vehicles that were spotted in the area before the fire. One car in particular has been mentioned by a few locals. It’s a dark green sedan, alternatively described as a late model Toyota, an old Ford or even some type of small Japanese hatchback. Go figure. But they all said it was green. Dark, forest green. So it would blend in where we live. Okay. So maybe somebody was spying on us. If they did a good job we wouldn’t know, would we? Cause we wouldn’t have noticed anybody snooping around, watching us as we went about our day, is the general consensus in town. The pub’s full of it, now that the green car theory is out there. Except they don’t realize that we would have noticed. I would have noticed. I had old Drakey on my heels day in day out, so I was on the lookout for a covert operation of this kind. And I wasn’t the only one. Chris was always checking, too. He used to run around Sliver Moon Bay, taking pictures, in town, at the harbour. Checked everything before deleting the lot. So he would have known, he would have noticed someone new, especially if they were snooping close to the house. So this theory just doesn’t make sense. I know it. Chris knows it. Lilian knows it. But we’re desperate and I think this stream of consciousness is taking hold over us cause Chris is convinced that someone was watching.

  Funnily enough, the cops are keeping quiet about Chris’s blood on Starling’s dress. There’s not a peep about it on the news. They’re keeping it quiet and everyone else who knows, which is really only us and Amy, have been sworn to secrecy. We won’t say and Amy’s not a gossip. Hasn’t that many friends to gossip to, I guess. Another thing to like about her. She has been good. To me and to Lilian, despite the fight we had after Chris’s arrest. She’s got over it, clearly, cause she helps me at school, with work and social. Interactions. She doesn’t mind if I come by at lunchtime and sit with her. She has not sent me away once, which is new. Cause if I’d done this before Starling went missing, she would have sent me back to sit with my peers. Yeah, like that would have happened. So now there’s less pretence between us. It’s like she’s cottoned on to who I am. The bit I show her, anyway. So it’s all going good.

  Of course, I miss Starling dreadfully. In all honesty, unless you’ve been in this situation, there’s really no way you can understand how bad this feels. So I’m not even going there. Trust me. It’s fucking awful.

  37

  Another month goes by. And we’re still at the same place. If anything
, things are worse. Cause there’s been no progress. The dark green sedan is long gone. No clue who was in it. Supposing it’s even relevant. Chris is still a Person Of Interest. A POI. But that’s just a label. Cause nothing’s been done. He’s been going to work, coming home, roaming the hills, with his phone at the ready. So what is he doing?

  Lilian is losing her marbles. Patience too and her long-standing battle with addiction which is clearly rearing its ugly head. But there’s nothing we can do.

  I go to school, do my shit. In the afternoon I go to the beach. Starling is not there. But I’m looking. All places. And Lilian will be too, I feel. Very soon.

  38

  Then, a piece of news. Detective Martin is packing up shop. He’s going back to the big city. To look for some other children, who just might be easier to find. And the investigation is now officially handed over to Captain Josh, who will continue to. Chip away.

  Me and Chris are handling this news. Lilian isn’t. She has another meltdown. It’s almost a positive thing. At least she’s roused herself. She got out of bed and screamed, oblivious to everything, even me standing right there.

  ‘I don’t want to be here! I don’t want to be here! I don’t want to!’ She’s tearing at her hair, what’s left of it, and she’s doing a dance. She’s no sense of rhythm. It breaks my heart, this horrible I don’t know what, but I’m determined to be strong. Cause somebody has to be.

  It turns out Chris is on the same wavelength. I’ve no doubt his heart is breaking but he steps up. He gets hold of Lilian, holds her, hugs her to him. She bites him on the shoulder and he pushes her away. She looks at him with blood shot eyes; looks like she might jump him. But Lilian’s no Assassin. She has no staying power. She collapses over the kitchen pull-out and Chris picks her up and places her on the bed. It’s over for now. She’ll sleep. I won’t. I’ll be up all night, thinking about her and Starling. So will Chris. And Chris will drink.